Why don’t we talk about things that are not pretty? Why do we post our “highlight” reels and leave out all of the grimy stuff that we go through? Think about it. As a society, it is subtly frowned upon to open up about hardship. We are supposed to keep it to ourselves, go to therapy, and work through things silently. It is understandable to an extent. Talking about hard things that we each experience walks a fine line. We certainly don’t want to gossip about others, we don’t want to make others lives difficult, and we don’t want to make our lives any more difficult. So, we silently endure hard times with a smile on our face. We paint ourselves up as a shield to keep others from ever thinking that we may be struggling.

I want to discuss a few of the reasons why we may not talk about hard things. I think that understanding the why is important and looking at the different angles of these reasons. Talking about ugly truths in our lives can be more positive than negative. I am writing this for you all, but I am also writing this for myself. This is a good reminder for us all that it is okay to talk about things.

It’s Hard

It’s not easy to talk about the darker parts of ourselves or our lives. It takes strength and courage to open up. We feel like maybe we shouldn’t talk about these things or that we are complaining when we should be more positive. We struggle to put our experiences or our thoughts into words. It is hard to say it quite right or to explain it so that others will understand us. We question whether it is the right thing to do, when to do it, how to do it, and how we may come across. We overthink talking about things.

It is hard to talk about negative things because it makes us feel things that we don’t want to feel, it makes us uncomfortable, and we don’t know where to begin. It can also be hard to find our voice again after enduring something traumatic. It can be much easier for us to stay silent, but that can be the worst thing to do. Even though it is hard, talking can bring about change, clarity, peace, and hope. If no one talked about dark moments in history, where would we be today?

We’re Supposed to Keep Our “Dirty Laundry” Hidden

There is an expectation that we keep our “dirty laundry” hidden. We are expected to keep our problems to ourselves because it is inappropriate to broadcast them to the world. We don’t want to share other people’s business or talk poorly of others, especially when it comes to family members. It is best to keep it between the people involved. That makes complete sense. Although, what if the person is abusive towards you in any way? What if the other person is spreading gossip about you and bringing others into the mix? Yes, it is awesome to be the bigger person. It is great to silently work on ourselves and heal. Yet, sometimes staying silent can be more hurtful than it is helpful. Staying silent doesn’t help other victims, it doesn’t bring about change, and it can make your life extra stressful in certain cases.

We all experience adversity and hardship in our lives. We are supposed to endure it, get through it, and then leave it in the past. That makes sense that we move on and let things go to keep our lives healthy. Although, it can also be healthy to communicate about something that has changed our lives. I feel like as a society, we are expected to endure negative things without it impacting us. We are supposed to show up in our lives without negativity influencing us. We put on a show of everything being okay for other people’s comfort. Let’s wash that dirty laundry of ours and then air it out if need be, for the betterment of ourselves as well as for others.

It’s Embarrassing

Talking about sensitive or personal topics is uncomfortable. It sucks. Most people prefer to keep the negative parts of their lives hidden. We don’t like to feel discomfort or embarrassment. When we talk about the things that we feel we should keep hidden, we may initially feel like we shouldn’t be doing it.

Working to move past embarrassment helps us grow. Opening up about difficult topics helps us grow. Acknowledging embarrassment and working through it helps us to feel less embarrassment in the future. Also, we really shouldn’t be embarrassed talking about hard things. We should feel empowered and free.

Another thing to keep in mind is that no one thinks about us more than we do ourselves. We think other people are watching us and judging us, when in reality, they are more focused on their own lives. Plus, the only person’s opinion of us that matters, is our own.

We Feel Like Something is Wrong With Us

We don’t talk about our problems because we feel like something is wrong with us. We feel like we don’t fit in, we feel like we are missing something, and we feel like we are not normal. We feel like we shouldn’t be having whatever issue or experiencing whatever hardship we are facing. We feel like we should be stronger, braver, and better able to cope. We have to remember, we are human. Hard things feel hard.

Nothing is wrong with us if we talk about something hard that we experienced. Nothing is wrong with us for experiencing something hard. It’s just a part of life. I think that when we do talk about these hard things, we make it more normal for others who really struggle to cope with these extra exhausting feelings on top of whatever they may be going through. Maybe it helps others realize that they themselves aren’t weird or as if something is wrong with them. If we can break the stigma of believing that we should just toughen up or behave more like robots, maybe we could get through these tough times a little easier.

We Want to Pretend Like it Isn’t Happening

We want to pull the blindfold over whatever is happening or has happened. We don’t want to address it, deal with it, or see it. We wish it didn’t exist and that everything was happy. That is so normal. No one wants to experience negative things. We would rather ignore it until it goes away. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes we have to address whatever is going on.

The sooner that we accept what has happened or is happening, the sooner that we can move past it. We may not want to talk about it because it is hard, yet talking about it can help us to heal from it. If we push it down or pretend like it isn’t there, it may always be there. If we don’t want to live with unresolved trauma or pain, we should accept, talk, and work through whatever has occurred.

We’re Scared

It can feel scary talking about certain things. We may feel scared that it could cause more issues or that the person who hurt us will come after us. We may be scared about how it may change other’s opinions of us. We are scared about whatever repercussions we may think up in our minds. It is normal to be scared to talk about heavy things. I think that we have been almost conditioned to feel fear when we want to bring up injustice. If we look back on history, it seems that many people would stay silent out of fear. It was those brave souls that did speak up, who fought for change, and therefore, who made history.

Sometimes when we feel scared about something that could benefit us or others, we just have to take the leap. We may try to convince ourselves that we won’t change anything, that we won’t be able to help anyone, and that no good may come from using our voices. The thing is, where does change come from? It comes from at least one person. One person who says, enough is enough. Who declares that this is not okay. Change comes from one person who speaks up.

Conclusion

We walk a tight rope whenever we open up about uncomfortable or difficult topics. We view it as being classy to keep our private lives, private. It appears messy talking about messy situations. I agree to an extent. I think that it is okay to keep things private and to live silently. I also think that it is okay to open up about difficult topics if it is what feels right. Talking about these things may help other people. If no one talked about serious and difficult things, how would we learn and get through them? All of us at some point have most likely relied on the experience of another person to help us through a dark point in our lives. We want to feel like we aren’t alone. We want someone to relate to and who survived it to help reassure us that we too can survive it.

We are all in control over ourselves and our lives. We should all be allowed to express ourselves and share our stories in helpful ways. It is not kind to gossip about other people, to smear others names, or to try to tear others down. Talking about negative experiences is not done out of revenge or to hurt someone. That is where the fine line comes in. Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where we want or feel the need to talk about a negative experience that we endured at the hands of another person. I think that it is very circumstantial and dependent on each individual situation whether it is right to open up or not. It is always right to open up to a therapist or trusted individual, but what I am talking about is opening up to the world. I think that in cases where the minor issue was resolved, the offending party is apologetic and working to repair things, it is best to avoid talking about it publicly unless agreed upon by both parties. In cases of abuse, neglect, or bullying, I think that it is more than okay, even necessary, to open up. I think that after going through something really dark, we feel silenced. We should feel safe and allowed to open up about what we went through.

I see so many other women silently fighting battles and trying to look perfectly put together. I have been there. Writing about my thoughts and my experiences is way outside of my comfort zone. Posting often on social media is outside of my comfort zone. I feel most at ease staying silent and keeping to myself. The reason I am doing all of this is to shed light on something that is often overlooked. I am really hoping to reach other people out there struggling with emotional abuse or toxic in-laws. These topics are not discussed enough. Maybe if we just talked about these things a little more, we could work to stop them.