I absolutely refuse to be a long-term victim. It makes me cringe. I don’t want pity or for people to look at me remorsefully. It is great if people are understanding and compassionate, but I am okay now. I survived. If anything, call me a survivor. Or just call me my name. What I went through is not me. All I know, is that I won’t stay down in victimhood.

I never realized how pathetic it truly feels to be a victim. You feel pushed down, like you’re weak, and you struggle to get back up. It is totally normal and okay to be in victimhood, but not forever. Staying in victimhood becomes a problem. That means that you are making what happened to you bigger than it should be. You are taking one small chapter of your life and making it the entire book. I had to smirk at myself for that, since I did write a book on my experience as a victim of emotional abuse.

I absolutely do not want to victim shame, that is not my intent with this. Shaming sucks and it makes victims feel even worse. I think that when you’ve been the victim of some sort of abuse or injustice, it is super hard when you are being pushed to instantly recover. “Don’t be a victim,” you hear over and over. When I was freshly no contact, I remember feeling free, but still like a complete mess. I put on a brave face and got through the days, although, I was not a survivor, yet. I was definitely a victim. For months, I struggled with C-PTSD and all of the awful effects of emotional abuse. I would say it took me at least six months to move from being a victim to a survivor. There is no timeline, it is different for everyone. Just please, don’t stay in victimhood. That is not where your story ends.

I Have Come Out on the Other Side

I went through something traumatic, but I have come out on the other side. I am able to enjoy my life again. My life is my life. I am not overthinking like I was, I am not drowning in all of the effects of emotional abuse, and I am not worried about the people who tried to tear me down. I am not a victim of them or the situation anymore. I am free.

It was a journey to get to the other side. It took time, hard work, determination, perseverance, and desire to get here. I pushed through days that I thought I would not make it through. I felt broken, alone, scared, and weak. I learned to acknowledge and embrace the dark feelings so that I could let them go. I poured blood, sweat, and tears into healing. Little by little, I added more positive things into my life. I focused on writing, exercising, eating healthy, resting, keeping my space clean, reading self-help books, and other healing activities. Now, I am alive again. I am not in the storm, drowning in what happened to me. I am on the shore, sipping a pina colada, the salty breeze rejuvenating me, watching the clear blue water gently wash against the soft sand, and the sun lightly kissing my soul. It’s a completely different view.

I Am Stronger Now

I am stronger now. I am healthier than I was before. I have learned how to set and hold important boundaries. I make my own decisions, I do what is best for me, and I am not worried about catering to others at my expense. I am not naïve, no longer a people pleaser, and not willing to put up with toxic behavior. I have risen above what I went through.

I am less likely to be abused again. I have worked hard to build resilience and confidence. I am continually working on my healing and self-love. I now know the signs of covert abuse, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. I had to make difficult decisions, let go of people and feelings, as well as learn to gracefully burn bridges to protect myself. I am doing the work to keep myself from being a victim again.

I Am Able to Self-Reflect

I am able to self-reflect and look back on what I could have done better, but also able to acknowledge that I did my best with where I was at the time. I mean, I was learning how to be a mom and navigating postpartum while I was being emotionally abused. I actually think I handled it all pretty well. I put up with too much, honestly. I should have had much stronger boundaries. I should have taken better care of myself. Okay, I am going to be really honest, it is not exactly fair for me to look back on how I could have better endured emotional abuse. I didn’t deserve it, I let it go on for far too long, and it was not a reflection of who I am. So I am going to just leave that where it is. I did my best.

I am not perfect. I am a person, not a robot. I have made many mistakes throughout my life. I am able to see where I can improve and am able to take in constructive criticism, even though it doesn’t feel great. I am also able to clearly see where others project their downfalls onto me and treat me poorly due to their own issues. I am able to differentiate between my mistakes and others projections.

It’s a Small Part of My Story, Not My Story

Being emotionally abused is just a small part of my story, it is not my story. It is a tiny paragraph in a chapter. It is something that happened to me, an adversity I have faced, but it is not me. It is not my life and it does not reflect my life. It was a bump in the road. A rock being thrown at my windshield. Something I definitely did not want, but nothing that can’t be fixed. I am the writer of my story and my life. I am the one who is in charge of making positive changes to better my life. I am able to change my perspective and to learn. I have so many brighter days ahead and warm, loving chapters to experience.

I was a victim during the time that I was being emotionally abused. I was a victim until I finally broke free of it and from the person doing it. I had been stuck, but not anymore. It is so empowering to look back on what I went through and to take in where I am now.

Conclusion

Being a victim sucks. Being a victim means being stuck down in the hole, clawing, but unable to escape. It means waking up each day scared, anxious, stressed, depressed, and barely breathing. It is pain, it hurts. It is living in a nightmare. It is not being able to move on, it is being stuck in the past.

Being a survivor means being free. Being a survivor is being able to help others who are currently victims. It means feeling peace, happiness, calmness, and ease. It is finally living your life again. It is being fully conscious, able to make clear choices, and not being easily triggered into darkness.

My hope for you all is that you work to become survivors. I hope that you don’t get stuck in victimhood. I promise that life is so much better once you are able to make it out and are able to turn the page on this dark chapter. Do remember, you do not have to feel shame in being a victim. You didn’t deserve to be abused. It does take time to work through and heal from. I just hope that you can heal, move forward, and live your life. You do deserve a peaceful, happy, and full life.