Have you ever received a message or had someone say something to you that just made you want to face palm? You know, an instant hand smack to your face, jaw hanging open, and you almost can’t help but laugh? After a year full of emotional abuse and then after a few months of no contact, my monster-in-law sent me a link to a blog post about reasons why you should be nice to your mother-in-law. Instant face palm. Like, the delusion is so real. It reminds me of that episode of SpongeBob when they try to teach Man Ray to be good and Patrick keeps denying the wallet being his. “It’s not my wallet.” Patrick is steadfast and unwavering that the wallet is not his even with all of the evidence that it is. Denying something over and over again does not change the facts. Even though I have done a lot of research about narcissistic people, it still dumbfounds me at times. The blame shifting, projection, and manipulation are all insane. Of course, among the many other mind blowing things that narcissists do.

Don’t get me started about the blog post. It was so stupid. It was basically saying that you should be kind to her because she has wisdom since she is older, you love your husband, and she makes your husband happy. Okay, it may not be so stupid if you had a healthy mother-in-law, yet a healthy mother-in-law wouldn’t send her daughter-in-law a ridiculous article. A healthy mother-in-law wouldn’t try to sabotage her son’s marriage let alone right after they had a baby, spread rumors, make unkind comments, and I’m going to stop there since the list goes on. It was a poor attempt at trying to manipulate me, guilt trip me, and shift the blame. I had been kind, I had done all I could to put up with her and try to suffer through that suffocating “relationship.”

Do you really need a reason to be kind to someone? Do you really need a blog post to tell you to be kind to your daughter-in-law? I mean if you do, that kind of sucks. You should just be kind to everyone without a drawn out explanation. It shouldn’t be hard to be kind to other people, especially to your own family. Yes, your daughter-in-law is family and if you don’t see it that way, there’s part of the problem. So anyways, here is my parody blog. As I like to see it, when something shitty happens, turn it into your own little comedy.

One. She’s a Human Being

This is hard to write about because it should just be common sense. You should be kind to your daughter-in-law because she’s a human being. She deserves kindness and respect. You should be kind to her just as you would be kind to anyone. To treat someone less than is cruel and disgusting behavior.

She is someone’s daughter. How would you feel if your daughter married a man she loved and then his mother was a nightmare? Would you like it if your son-in-law’s mother bullied your daughter? Probably not. Would you like to be bullied by your mother-in-law? Probably not, and this is actually probably why you are doing it. You were probably bullied by your mother-in-law and feel obligated to carry out the sick tradition. It’s 2024, we are breaking generational curses and being better people.

Two. Your Child Loves Her

If you love your child, it shouldn’t be too hard to love the person that they love. They clearly love the person for a reason. They make your child happy, what is not to love about that? Your child cannot stay a child forever. That’s life. It can be hard to watch our babies grow up and become adults, yet it is beautiful. They now get to create their own lives and enjoy all that life has to offer as adults. It would be selfish to want to keep them all to ourselves and to keep them from all of the joys that we got to experience when we were their age.

Okay, let’s say that your child marries someone who cheats on them, abuses them, and is going to prison for some horrible reason. I don’t think it would be easy or even quite possible to love that person, that person sounds bad, right? That makes sense. Although, it would be a good time to self-reflect and figure out what happened that led your child to marry someone like that. I would like to guess that most cases are not like this. Most cases, the mother is enmeshed with her son and jealous of the woman her son loves. That’s gross! I would definitely recommend talking that out with a therapist. If your daughter-in-law loves your son, does her best, and is a healthy person, you should treat her with kindness. Normal, healthy mothers are happy when their child is happy.

Three. You’re Not an Asshole

You should be kind to your daughter-in-law because you are not an asshole. If you’re a kind person, it shouldn’t be difficult. In life, there will be people that you don’t click with. That’s normal. Sometimes people that you don’t click well with are family. A lot of the time it isn’t a negative thing. Maybe you just have a lot of differences and don’t know each other well. You can work on building a positive relationship with someone even if you don’t go out for coffee every other weekend. You can be pleasant and kind when you are around them.

I am sure that there are nightmare daughter-in-law’s out there. Although, if you genuinely show your daughter-in-law kindness and love, I am sure that you can have a healthy relationship with her. If you are not kind to her, you are a monster-in-law. No young woman is prepared for the mother of the man she loves to hate her. Typically, young women look up to their boyfriend or husband’s mother. When the young woman is faced with a jealous, vengeful, evil mother-in-law, it makes things really hard. So, be kind to your daughter-in-law because you are a kind human.

Four. You’re an Adult

You should be kind to your daughter-in-law because you are an adult. You are probably twice her age, give or take. You should be well versed in kindness, acceptance, and love by now. If you are not, it would be a good idea to consider talking to a therapist or finding a class you can take regarding empathy, social skills, or some other related topic to better yourself.

Maybe you feel entitled to be treated respectfully because you are older, yet you don’t feel as though you have to also show respect back. You probably just feel this way because you’re entitled. Not because you are older. That is not kind, knowledgeable, or okay behavior. When we were little we were taught “the golden rule,” to treat others how you want to be treated. Yet, sometimes even the people teaching us that weren’t actually following it. As an adult, we should all be self-aware and doing our best to treat others with kindness. As an adult, we should hold ourselves to high standards for our own betterment and not because we feel we are owed a pedestal.

Five. She’s Not Going to Tolerate Your Shit

Lastly, I’m just going to say it, your daughter-in-law is not going to tolerate your shit. Maybe she does for months or even years, but one day she will break. One day, you will go too far and she will stop caring about pleasing you. One day, she will stand up to you and set boundaries with you. If you don’t react well to that, she’s only going to care less and less. At this point, you will have shot yourself in the foot. You may never recover based on what you have done or even continue to do.

If you are so wise and all-knowing, then you know to be kind to your daughter-in-law because if not, it will come back to bite you. She does not deserve your abuse, toxicity, or mistreatment. She will not stand for it, as she shouldn’t. She is not being vengeful, she is preserving herself and her family. At the end of the day, you can’t be surprised when your daughter-in-law distances herself from you if you’ve been making her life stressful and hard.

Conclusion

To wrap up this blog that shouldn’t even need to be written, for the love of all things good, be kind to your daughter-in-law. It isn’t hard. Your daughter-in-law can be someone you share wonderful memories with, laughs, and great times. Treating her poorly does not end well, just as it doesn’t end well when you treat anyone poorly. No one wants to be around someone who is abusive, toxic, negative, or unkind. You daughter-in-law is never below you. She may be younger, but she is allowed to do what she wants. She does not have to go out of her way to please you. If she does, make sure to really treat her well back and appreciate it. If you don’t, you will lose that.

This is a joke, but it’s also not. These points that I discussed should be very obvious and should go without saying. Although, there are way too many mother-in-law’s treating their daughter-in-law’s terribly. There are too many grown adult women causing issues, trying to drive a wedge in their son’s marriage, being disrespectful, acting jealous, playing the victim, and overall, being monsters. If you have a disagreement or issue with someone, you should privately address them and work to resolve it. Especially if you have an issue with a family member, figure it out with them. Do not spread rumors, treat them poorly, create further issues, try to get rid of them, and other awful monster-in-law tactics. This goes deeper than just being a monster-in-law and goes into who this person is as a person. Some monster-in-laws are narcissists. All I can say is, look in the mirror. Are you proud of your actions and who you see back? Are you kind? Kindness is free and has the power to change the world.