I used to be like Ella Enchanted. I used to be such a people pleaser, it makes me sick. I was like this until recently, until I was forced to end the people pleasing tendencies in me. This transformation has not felt easy or beautiful, but it has changed me in ways that I needed to be changed. For myself and my family, I need to be strong and able to confidently say no. I need to be able to make decisions that are best for my family and myself. I could no longer keep putting others’ first.

The people pleaser in me started to fade after my baby was born. It did not vanish overnight. My first moment of putting myself first was after I was breaking from putting another person’s wants before my own needs. It wasn’t a pretty moment for me, but it was what started my transformation. After that, I gradually began setting light boundaries to protect myself. I kept getting pushed down, though. My boundaries were being argued, disrespected, gossiped about, and dismissed. This only chipped away more and more at my engrained people pleasing habits. Long story short, finally, I had no option left but to stop putting other people before myself. I had to put myself first for my health which was rapidly declining in all areas.

The people pleaser in me did not want to go without a fight. There were many days full of confusion, doubt, grief, anxiety, stress, fear and sadness. My brain was going haywire overthinking and trying to pick apart everything. I kept wanting to think in terms of the best case scenarios, but after months of what I was going through, I had to be realistic. I started to see it all for what it was. If other people couldn’t respect my basic needs and boundaries, were they really people that should be included in my life? If they could easily change their behavior towards me based off of lies and rumors, did they ever really see me for me or care about me at all? Once I started to realize that I had been drowning myself and doing the most for people that could turn on me so easily, I slowly stopped caring.

I think that I am finally starting to accept it all for what it was. I feel more clarity and peace lately than I have throughout the entire process. I have felt so many difficult emotions that I have had to work through. I am finally starting to simply look back at it all and feel grateful for where I am at as well as where I am headed. It sucked, do not get me wrong. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I would not want to go through it again. It changed me in ways that I hate, but I am working on that. It opened my eyes up to mistakes I have made throughout life and flaws that I have. The experience has empowered me to work on myself and make necessary changes. We can’t stay stagnant in life. It isn’t possible, it will end us. We have to grow and evolve and adapt and change. We have to if we want to experience happiness, peace, and a fulfilling life.

The people pleaser in me is gone. It wasn’t thanks to the emotional abuse and the people who drained me, it was thanks to me. For finally sticking up for myself, working on myself, setting boundaries and doing what I knew in my heart was best. I made the best out of what was thrown at me. I survived it and grew from it. I could’ve let it destroy me, but I didn’t. If I didn’t go through all of that trauma, would I have stopped being a people pleaser? I don’t know. Part of me thinks that I needed this lesson and to have my eyes forced open. Although, part of me hates that it had to be what is was because my husband didn’t deserve it all either. It’s complicated, but it all is what it is. All I can do is keep healing, growing and feeling so grateful for where I am at now.

I finally get to be me. I get to enjoy my life and make decisions for myself. I no longer worry about what other people think or want from me. I no longer worry about making everyone happy at my own expense. I respectfully do what is best for me and my family. It is a very freeing feeling. I finally have a voice. I finally am able to stand up for myself and focus on what I need. I get to enjoy my life, feel at ease and experience peace. I am so grateful that my Ella Enchanted curse has been broken.