Emotional abuse is downright awful, but it is also… strange. It can be difficult to recognize. I began to realize I was being emotionally abused after months of enduring it. In my case, my abuser was a person outside of my home, but someone who still held power over me, or so I had believed.
Healing from emotional abuse takes hard work and lots of time. There were many moments where I felt like I would never recover. I fell down more times than I was able to climb back up. Now, six months after I began my healing journey, I can finally look back and see just how far I have come.
Five of the ways that I healed from emotional abuse included going no contact, establishing a healthy routine, prioritizing rest, writing, and leaning on others. My hope is that by sharing what worked for me, it may help someone else going through something similar. We all deserve a peaceful life.
One. No Contact
The best way to start to heal from something is to remove the thing we are trying to heal from. It is so much easier said than done, especially if the thing is a person that we once trusted. Based off of my own personal experience, I was drowning until I cut ties with the toxic person in my life.
No contact is a phrase that I became familiar with in an online support group. It is pretty self-explanatory, but it means that you have no, as in zero, contact with someone. Ignore, block, remove, and delete. It sounds intense and maybe even drastic. It is vital when in an emotionally abusive relationship that is deteriorating our mental health.
For me, no contact was the first step in my healing process. I didn’t inform my abuser that I was going no contact, I just did it. I had decided that it was the only option left for my well-being. After all that I had been through, it was a relief.
I had given my emotional abuser plenty of chances to change. During my last attempt at repairing the relationship, I addressed my boundaries and gave a heads up that I would not be tolerating the abusive behavior any longer. I had said that if things continued the way that they were, I did not want any further communication.
Every situation is different. Sometimes it is extremely difficult to cut ties because the person is a parent or an in-law. I no longer believe that titles hold power. If someone is abusive, they are abusive. Cutting ties and going no contact was imperative to my healing and overall quality of life.
Two. Establish A Healthy Routine
Slowly establishing a healthy routine helped immensely with getting my life back. I began by adding exercise back into my day. For me, walking was what worked best. I was able to have my baby in her stroller with me while I exercised. I started with fifteen to twenty minutes each day. Starting out, it was tough to make it a habit. I struggled with motivation and consistency. Now, I easily walk at least thirty minutes every day and it has been tremendous for my mental health.
I would track my screen time. I would try to go a full day or multiple days in a row without going on social media. Taking a break from screens was great for my mental health. It gave me a chance to rest my brain. I noticed that the days that I would go on social media I would feel more anxious or triggered. Now, going on social media doesn’t affect me, although I still enjoy breaks from it.
I looked at my diet and found where I could improve. I focused on trying to eat vegetables every day. I typically eat pretty nutritious foods, although I noticed I was slacking on veggies. I made it a conscious habit to add them into my diet. I had previously tried limiting sugar, although I found myself getting stuck with that one. I would usually eat some kind of dessert in the evening as a way to relax and found that forgoing it was too difficult with everything else I was working on. I accepted that I wasn’t there yet and gave myself grace.
I also started waking up earlier. I had an alarm set for just before seven every morning. Getting up earlier helped me feel more productive and in control of my day. It also helped me stop staying up until midnight watching TV which was not great for my mental health. Sleep has been one of the toughest struggles since the emotional abuse. It was brutal trying to fall asleep. I’d typically wake up anytime between one to three and would be up until early morning. I would usually be so exhausted that I would fall asleep again around six or seven in the morning and wake up for the day around nine or ten. Throughout healing, sleep has still been a battle. I only recently have started sleeping through the night again.
Lastly, I made sure to structure my day. I had a morning routine, ate breakfast, exercised, played with my baby, ate lunch, got whatever I had on my to do list done, made dinner, and left my evenings open for relaxing. It wasn’t always straightforward like that. Usually I would have to multitask or do some things more than once. Especially being a mom, I would have to include my child in whatever I was doing, have her play beside me, or wait until her naptime to get things done. All in all, having a to do list and idea of structure helped in healing.
Three. Prioritize Rest
In 2024, it isn’t an easy feat, but rest is so essential for healing. I learned to let myself take naps when I felt I needed to and had the opportunity to. I would rest my mind by focusing on breathing and trying to let thoughts go. I had been working on my sleeping habits. Occasionally, I would take a bubble bath or do a face mask. I would sit comfortably with a nice blanket and read. I drank hot tea. I let myself take breaks from getting things done if I needed it.
Our bodies and minds let us know when we need rest. A lot of the time for me, this would show up in triggers. When I noticed myself getting triggered easily or more frequently, I would take a step back and focus on rest.
Four. Write
Writing was so helpful in healing. I wrote about my experience, I wrote down quotes I would see online that I found to be inspiring, and I would write my feelings out. I had a planner that I tracked my habits in, wrote down quotes that resonated with me, wrote down my goals, and where I was in life at the moment. I ended up getting a new notebook to write in whenever I needed to vent. Writing helped me through moments where I was triggered or felt like I was spiraling.
Five. Lean On Others
I think this one is also pretty tricky. I felt a lot of guilt talking to others about how I felt and what I was going through. I didn’t want to burden anyone else. Plus, with how messed up my mind had gotten, I struggled to feel like it was okay for me to talk about my experience. Part of the emotional abuse I endured was being gossiped about to others which led to people in my life treating me differently. I abhorred the thought of being like my abuser. The thing is, my abuser spread lies about me to try to isolate me. I talked about my experience to feel less crazy and for support. We are not the same and never were.
I think that it is important to say, now that I am clear headed, people that love and care about you want you to talk to them. I would absolutely hate if my daughter, my sister, or my friend went through something traumatic and felt as though they couldn’t talk to me about it. So please, lean on loved ones.
I did do therapy, that was helpful. I definitely recommend it, especially if you are really struggling. It was helpful to have an outsiders perspective, a professional opinion, advice, and support.
I learned that healing is not always upwards. There will be setbacks. Sometimes it feels like nothing is working or happening and it can be really disheartening. What worked for me may not work for everyone. I think it is so important to go easy on yourself. Start with the easiest possible way to incorporate positive things back into your life. Once you start, it makes it easier to keep going. One day, you will look back in awe over just how far you have come. I hope that we all get where we want to be in healing and live peaceful lives.
Thank you for reading!
Allyson Bennett 
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